Don't choke bitch

Sometimes I feel like I am a shitty friend, and sometimes I know that I am, but i think most of it has to do with the fact that, I never can fill the void that was there when we fell apart.

I compare every friend to you, and no one quite understands me like you do, we always seem to find ourselves reaching out to the other when life gets tough, which is scary because I want to fully trust you just as badly as you do.

I find myself usually fighting the urge to give into it, but there simply is no way I can do that because we fall back into our old comfortable habits, where everything is funny, and no one understands anything but the other. I have one friend who's like that but she doesnt count as she's only family. But you...we know the others deepest secrets, we taught the other things that we wouldnt feel comfortable asking anyone else. and the best part...we found the raunchiest porn videos just to make the other one smile. no wait i lied, it was making a bee line to the largest most disgusting double ended dildo.

we go shopping and find five dollars and use it to buy snacks, only to find concert tickets hidden in the dark corners of Hollister. we stay up til 5 in the morning talking about absolutely nothing, listening to the other as they rant about nothing. we shared tears, bathrooms, fears and dreams.

then we just let the outside get to us and we fall apart.... away. and search elsewhere hoping to find in others what we had with each other. i've been searching and believe me nothing comes nearly as close... i believe that all these things are the makings of a sister not a best friend, cause really who becomes best friends after being asked if they wanted to become part of the Pen15 club.

I guess this is me coming to the acceptance that everything is going to be okay from here on... and if you cry while reading this... i'm gonna punch you in the baby makers.

ps if this doesnt make any sense to you, dont worry it wasnt made for you...

one more thing... accidental cremation anyone.... how about mount and release?